Monday, October 5, 2009
SEC Football Blogger |
| After Five Weeks: The SEC is in my iPod. Posted: 05 Oct 2009 04:28 PM PDT After Five Weeks: The SEC is in my iPod. I’m going to try something differentish. I tried to do a what we know and what we don’t so far. But today, I’m going to try and tie it into my iPod. Why? Because SEC Football is like what’s in my iPod. Total and complete awesomeness. Excepting Vanderbilt. Vanderbilt is “Whatever Happened to My Rock and Roll?” from the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club This is a simple Occam’s Razor scenario. Last season Vanderbilt had the single greatest season in its history. And considering the regression to the mean? There ya go, kids. Kentucky is The Mister Magorium Wonder Emporium Q&A Podcast Zack Helm is one of the most interesting writers of the decade. He wrote Stranger than Fiction. It was one of the best premises of all time. It was as electrifying as Randall Cobb on a go route. The problem is? The interesting of one man cannot carry an entire team. Especially when you consider that the Natalie Portman in this forced analogy (Trevard Lindley)? Is listed as doubtful for South Carolina.
Mississippi State is “Smooth Criminal” from Alien Ant Farm You have a team that you could consider a Florida cover band. It’s less polished. In some aspects it’s far less polished (the defense is like the fact that AAF never did get that second hit). But you know what? The Bulldogs this year are like the 3:28 of Smooth Criminal. A lot better than they’re given credit for. Tennessee is ”Jump” from Van Halen Or more specifically Jonathan Crompton. Think about it. I get up, and nothing gets me down. You’ve got it tough, I’ve seen the toughest around. And I know baby, I know just how you feel. You’ve got to roll with the punches to get to what’s real. Oh can’t you see me standing there with my back against the record machine? I ain’t the worst that you’ve seen, oh can’t you see what I mean? Knoxville agrees: He might as well jump.
Arkansas is “Duality” from Slipknot. Not for the reasons you think I’m thinking of. There is an obvious duality of the Hoo Pig Sooey. And all the Bobby Petrino supersystem has is a need to put up insane offense. But let’s talk about the Slipnutz. A comedy sketch based on Slipknot. It’s basically three writers from Conan running around and singing about slipping on peanuts. Nothing explains Arkansas’s defense better.
Ole Miss is Episodes Five and Six of Andy Barker P.I. The hype of this crtically acclaimed team is gone. But the episode order was longer than the interest or desire. So? You burn off the final episodes at a point where no one is watching. They still have intrigue for the critics, but nobody else is watching. Georgia is “Seven Nation Army” by the White Stripes. The scrappy Bulldogs sneak up on you like this song. You don’t expect the hipster White combo to be able to rock this hard. But yet? They do. A.J. Green is as electrifying of a talent as Jack White. And Joe Cox is the reason you’re interested in this band to begin with. The Ginger Ninja is gone? You wouldn’t have near the interest. Same goes for Meg White. She’s the glue guy, so to speak. South Carolina is Paul F. Tompkins impersonation of Ice-T From the Comedy Death Ray in Vancouver and much like South Carolina? You’ve found something that’s not supposed to work. Paul F. Tompkins isn’t that funny. Stephen Garcia isn’t that good of a quarterback. And yet? Hilarity enuses. On both sides. YAAAAAY! Auburn is “Redemption Song” from Joe Strummer. Dual meanings here. One, Auburn is back to being a force for good with one of those first year shock the world scenarios that ultimately become meaningless. Two? Gus Malzahn gets Arkansas. The team that Tony Franklined him fter grabbing the hottest of his recruits and doing nothing with them. He’ll say all the right things. But being a man who is also older than 40? He wants this. He wants this bad. LSU is “Hair of the Dog” by Nazareth If the coach was sane? The first Charles Scott touchdown would have iced the game. But as the song says, you don’t go messing with a son of a bitch. And Les Miles? He is the toughest SOB this side of the Ozarks. Alabama is Iron Man Okay, more technically, they am Iron Man. The most technically proficient batch of awesome since Robert Downey Jr. made his first move toward becoming an Avenger. It’s a well acted team with Greg McElroy as a Jon Favreau sort of a director. Julio Jones as a charismatic force of nature Downey-style. And Terrance Cody? He’s a suit of armor that will force all evil to yield.
Florida is Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story Like the Chuck Klosterman work, the Gators road trip to Baton Rouge puts them at a crossroads. John Brantley represents the future. But will he end any chance of a National Championship? I’d like to say no. But I’m not in Urban’s head. Urban may send the still concussed Tebow up to face LSU. And that would be suicidally dangerous. See that’s how you end it. Occam’s Razor Style.
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